A very Sinful XMas
by ZRBxSTITCHES
Summary: The Homunculi enjoy the hustle of Christmas. Full of action, christmas cheer, and wholesome random goodness...
1. Chapter 1

Title: X-Mas with the Sins 

Author: ZRBxSTICHES

Summary: The sins put together a play of "The Birth of Christ"... A short little x-mas tale!

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA... If I did, I would be bathing naked in a tub full of money.  
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It was snowy day in Underground Central. Which was weird because they were underground... Anyways, Dante was being the evil, stuck-up bitch that she always was, and was forcing the Homuculuses to perform the "Birth of Christ"  
play for her.

"Why are we here?" Greed asked.

"We're here because Master just gave the parts!" Envy answered.

Lust, Gluttony, Envy, Sloth, Greed, and Wrath surrounded the paper telling them their respected parts.

"Alright, I'm Jesus!" Wrath yelled.

"Virgin Mary..." Sloth questioned.

"The part fits ya" Greed mocked. Sloth smacked him.

Gluttony, Envy, and Greed read that they were the three kings.

"Why do have to be stuck with the transvestite and the fat ass"  
Greed asked Dante.

"Because I said so. You'll play your part and you'll play it damn good if you want to see New Years." Dante threatened.

"I'm an angel. Of course..." Lust said all smiley.

The parts were given out and the hustle of Christmas Day reached Underground Central. Gifts were given out to everyone and love filled the air.

"Shut your ugly mouth, Greed." Envy shouted in a drunken rage.

"So...areyou like...a chick?" Greed asked, also drunk.

"Oh boy, a My Little Pony Glue Factory. Thank you mommy." Wrath said, giving Sloth a big hug.

Lust handed Gluttony a package. "Merry Chsirtmas."

Gluttony opened a package. "Oh...It's Cornello's head"  
Gluttony said while eating it.

"I saved it for just an occasion like this." Lust said.

Wrath was now burried in a pile of presents. He opened one of them.

"Oh my god! It's the Mary Kate Olsen'sBinge and Purge Board Game.  
They don't even make them anymore. Thank you, Master." Wrath said bowing.

"Only had tokill all of Ishbal to get it. Remember, kid, extra points for puking out McDonalds." Dante said. "Moving on, it's about time for my play."

Everyone got into their costumes and got up on stage. The three kings gave their gifts. Sloth gave birth to Wrath. Lust just watched with a bird's eye view. And Dante savored the moment.

Later...

"Okay Al, I'll be done in a couple minutes." Ed yelled.

Getting back to his desk he found a card.

Ed began to read: "Merry Christmas from us you mutilated, short freak."

Inside was picture of the Homuculuses and Dante.

"AHHH! What the hell is this!" Ed screamed.

Even more later...

Pride stood in his mansion, wearing a yamaka and holding a manora.

"I swear to god, I hate them all!" Pride shouted.

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THE END

Please remember to review.-or the kitten get's it!


	2. Chapter 2

Title: X-Mas with the Sins

Author: ZRBxSTITCHES

Summary: Just a snowy day with our favorite zombies. Even more wholesome random goodness.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA... If I did, I would be bathing naked in a tub full of money.  
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By this time of year, Underground Central was filled with snow. It was a beautiful sight for some. But for Envy, it was just another thing for Dante to torture him with. He looked out his window, and saw a hyper Wrath storm out the cathedral in his snow gear.

"Come on, mommy" Wrath shouted.

"I can't go out there. I'll freeze." Sloth answered back.

"Oh you'll be fine. Just wear a coat." Wrath suggested.

Sloth put on a jacket and stepped outside. Just then, a pile of snow crashed down on Sloth. Greed and Envy were seen standing on the top of the building.

"Oh no! MOMMY!" Wrath shouted while trying to dig out Sloth.

By the time he got to her, she was litterally frozen solid because of her liquid body. Greed and Envy only laughed.

Lust and Gluttony were found, building a snowman. But they didn't make much progress because of Gluttony mistaking the snowmen for real men.

"Well...atleast your not getting any fatter..." Lust said,  
not too enthusiastically.

"Mmmmm..." Gluttony only said.

"sigh ...BALLY TOTAL FITNESS!" Lust shouted to get Gluttony's attention. And she was successful.

Later at Dinner time...

Sloth, now thawed out, was now preparing the dinner with Lust. They wore pink, frilly aprons and wore oven mitts that looked like hearts.

Dante walked into the kitchen to prepare Wrath's special meal.

FLASHBACK

"Wrath, your hyperness is getting on everyones nerves." Dante told the boy.

"I'm sorry..." Wrath said back.

"I know that being a mutant at birth was hard, and experiencing the other side of the gate and returning to this side was also hard, but this gives no excuse for the behavior you've been showing us. We need you. You are the only one besides me who can perform alchemy. Therefore, I'm taking you to a vet." She finished.

At the vets...

"In his case, we suggest something powerful, Miss Dante." The vet said.

Behind them, Wrath was chasing sheep. "WEEE!" He cheered.

END OF FLASHBACK

Dante slipped the doggy downer pills into Wrath's meal. Getting the five essential pills needed to keep Wrath at bay into his meal was hard for the master.

"Dinner-time!" Dante said cheerfully walking into the dining-  
room. She set Wrath's meal infront of him. Everyone sat at their places and stuffed their faces.

"Lust can you please pass the butter?" Wrath asked.

"Envy, pass the butter." Lust ordered.

"Greed, you get it." Envy replied.

"Hey, Sloth, get that." Greed told her.

"Fine..." Sloth said, giving only a little butter to Wrath.

"That's to little. More butter." Wrath said.

"That's enough for Gluttony and he's twice your size." Sloth explained.

"MORE BUTTER! MORE BUTTER! MORE BUTTER!" Wrath shouted.

"Calm yourself, Wrath." Dante ordered.

"SHUT UP, SADDLE BAGS!" Wrath insulted.

"WHAT?" Dante said, ready to incur some physical pain upon Wrath.

All the homunculi tried to keep their master from killing Wrath. And they eventually calmed the raging Dante. While in the distraction, Gluttony stole everyone's food off their plates.

Wrath had ran to the highest point in the building.

"Wrath, get down from their." Sloth tried to warn him.

"NO! I DEMAND ALL OF THE SHEEP YOU HAVE!" He said back.

"I knew the kid needed to ride the short-bus, but sheep"  
Greed asked.

"SHUT YOUR SKULL!" Wrath yelled, throwing a pineapple at Greed's head.

Eventually, the Homunculi were forced to acceed to Wrath's demands for a sheep. They through one up to Wrath.

"WEEE! NOW WE CAN BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!" He said with much joy.

Seconds later, the sheep turned back into Envy.

"OHHH! MY SHEEP TURNED INTO A REAL BOY! IT'S A PINNOCHIO COMPLEX!" Wrath said.

"Shut up!" Envy said, punching the hyper boy.

"YOU DARE ATTACK ME! ME?" Wrath questioned.

"And who the hell are you?" Envy asked.

"I AM WRATH, THE SHEPHERD KING! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" HE laughed,  
maniacally.

As he got done, sheep began to surround Envy.

"Oh geeze..." Envy said with worry.

Down below...

"This is taking to long. Screw Envy's plan." Dante said. She then, pulled out a tranquilizer gun and shot Wrath.

"MWAHAHA...HAHA..Ha..ha..." Wrath laughed now laying on the ground.

The adventured ended when everyone went to bed. Just goes to show you that sheep here the orders hyper people give them.

Later that night...

"Gluttony...Gluttony..." Lust shook the bloated man.

"Oh...something was wrong with the food..." He complained.

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-THE END-

Ed: Aw! Summer has started at last, right Al?  
Al: Schools out! YAY!  
Ed: Bikini Season! YAY!  
STITCHES: Hey, Ed! Doesn't Envy wear a bikini...sports bra thing.  
Ed: I think you're right.  
STITCHES: YES!

-  
HAVE FUN IN THE SUN, GET LAID IN THE SHADE!  
HAPPY SUMMERTIME FUN - LOVE STITCHES 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: X-mas with the Sins

Author: ZRBxSTITCHES

Summary: It's 6-6-6. And for the homunculi, they're planning on going to Six Flags. Random.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA... If I did, I would be bathing naked in a tub full of money.

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The night before had been stressful for the homunculi. Wrath's unholy army of sheep caused major chaos to ensume.  
But somehow they made it to the next morning. It started with Lust awaking to the sound of tree choping.

"Envy must be up..." She said.

Envy was usually the first one to awake. He had a habit of cutting down trees in his sleep.

Sloth awoke last that morning. Sloth was a heavy drinker and often got inebriated. When she made her way downstairs she noticed everyone was in front of the TV.

"What's everyone watching?" She asked. As soon as she got done with the questions she recognized the tape. It was the tape she made with Pride.

"Master? What is mommy doing to Pride?" Wrath asked,  
innocently.

"I'll tell ya kid, but you ain't gonna like it." Greed said.

"Wow, Sloth! How much did he pay you?" Envy asked.

Lust couldn't ask anything, she was too busy eating pineapple.

"Where did you get that?" Sloth asked loudly.

"Internet. It's on Pride's MySpace." Dante replied.

Later that day...

"Hey, Greed, have you noticed how Lust disappears during the day?" Envy asked.

"Yeah. I've been meaning to ask her about that." Greed wondered.

They went out to go find Lust.

"Mommy, where are we gonna go today?" Wrath asked.

"Well, since today is 6-6-6, we're going to go to Six Flags,  
with six people, and for 6 hours." Sloth replied.

"Then we're going to Hooters!" Dante said, popping out of nowhere.

Even more later that day...

"WEEE!" Wrath cheered when they finally arrived at Six Flags.

"Don't talk to strangers!" Sloth warned.

"We couldn't get that lucky." Dante replied.

Sloth, Wrath, and Dante had split up to go do the things they considered fun. Dante went to eat Funnel Cakes. Wrath went on some rollercoasters. And Sloth killed some time by going into protected areas.

"I wonder where this door leads too?" She thought as she opened the door. There, saw Pride, eating watermelon.

At Hooters...

Envy and Greed arrived at the Hooters and saw Lust.

"Wow...So she's a Hooter's girl?" Greed thought.

Lust was embarrased for them to see her in her white Hooter's T-shirt and also wet. But, her embarrassment didn't last long,  
for Ed soon entered Hooters, only to find Lust, Greed, and Envy.

The fight ensued...

Greed and Envy were knocked out and Lust was exhausted, on her knees.

"Haha...I have to give my victory speech. I've been thinking about it for awhile." Ed said with confidence.

"What are you talking...No! Not that!" Lust said

"NO! STOP! YOU HORRIBLE MONSTER! YOU BEAST..." Lust screamed now protecting her chest.

A blush now crept on to Ed's face. "No! You got it all wrong.  
I just wanted to see you grovel a bit."

"Oh. Is that it? I only assumed--Hey, wait a minute! I'm not doing that either!" Lust stated.

"Alright. But if you don't want to do that then..." Ed said with the evil grin of a pedifile.

"Oh, you wouldn't... Sometimes my good looks are such a curse!" Lust complained.

"Then start groveling." Ed demanded.

"Oh, Lord Ed, please spare my life." Lust begged.

"No, that won't work. Try "Oh, Master Ed, great and powerful alchemist". Ed said.

"Grr... I don't believe this... Oh, Master Ed, great and powerful alchemist, please spare my life." Lust begged.

"That's no good. You have to be cuter when you do it.  
Try "Oh pretty, pretty, please." Ed demanded.

"You're pushing your luck!" Lust yelled.

"C'mon, say it..." Ed told.

"... Oh pretty, pretty, pretty please." Lust said, trying to be cute.

"Hahaha...What the heck was that?" Ed asked.

"You're so dead." Lust threatened. At that moment Sloth, Wrath and Dante stepped into Hooters. Greed and Envy were now up too.

"Lust... What happened?" Sloth asked.

"What's the surprise, Sloth. You're always on your knees for Pride." Greed told her.

"AHHHH! I hate you!" Sloth retaliated at Greed's remark.

At any rate, Ed was surrounded and was turned into Envy's personal sex slave. Happy endings, right?

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THE END

For my "Random Homunculi" stories, here is my couplings:

LustxGluttony- They're always together.  
SlothxGreed- Don't know why. Just kinda happened that way.  
EnvyxWrath- Also don't know why.  
DantexAl- Read my profile and you'll know why!

I don't like Pride! (Furher Pride! Not Ed-o Pride)

FINAL QUESTION: What was on that scandelous, raunchy sex tape? 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: X-mas with the Sins

Author: ZRBxSTITCHES

Summary: It is winter again. Just another day with no plot whatsoever. We wouldn't have it any other way!

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA... If I did, I would be bathing naked in a tub full of money.  
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It was a even more snowy day in Underground Central. The homunculi were all awake and accounted for in the anteroom.  
Dante had called them there for some sort of...lecture.  
At that moment, Dante walked into the room.

"Quiet. Quiet, thank you." SHe said solemnly. Then, she used alchemy to transmute chairs and desks for her students.

"Now, we are here to learn about basic life. Eventually,  
when what-his-face creates the Philospher Stone, you can become humans and my beauty will be eternal! MWAHAHAHA"  
She laughed.

"Beauty?" Greed questioned. Dante, then transmuted a statue to throw at Greed.

"Now, do you all have questions about human life?" Dante asked.

Envy raised his hand. "Yes, will I still be able to turn into Pri--I mean, will I still be able to turn into other people?" Envy asked.

"No. The process will be lost." Dante replied.

"damn...and I loved looking at the mirror while I was Pride..." Envy muttered to himself.

Greed raised his hand. "Hey, will we still be able to have unprotected sex without the worry of children"  
Greed asked.

"Afraid not." Dante relied.

"What a shame... Sorry Lust, Sloth...Pride." Greed apologized.

"...It's okay!" Pride said popping out from behind a tree.

"That's okay, Greed. We found someone better." Lust and Sloth said in unison looking at eachother. At that, moment they began to make-out.

"WHOAH...LESBIAN ACTION!" Wrath screamed.

"Oh my god...Cover your eyes." Envy said, placing his hand over his eyes.

Greed was busy admiring the red pens that Dante handed out. "Where did you get these pens? Such a vibrant color. What animal did you have to drain to get this color." Greed asked.

"Kittens..." Dante replied.

"Kittens are delicious..." Gluttony drooled.

Enough questions. Go play in traffic.

Later that night...

Sloth roamed the mansion, looking for something to do.  
She eventually made her way to the roof of the cathedral.  
Greed was sitting on the rail and staring up at the sky.

"Oh what are you doing up here?' Sloth asked.

"Trying to comprehend the perilous journey we call life"  
Greed answered.

"Here's how I look at it. We live and die, but it's what we do with our life that counts. Even though we are going to die, it's the fun we have during the time." Sloth told him solemnly.

"...oh, what? Did you say something?" Greed asked.

"Uh! Never mind." Sloth replied.

"Good!" At that moment, Greed pushed Sloth over the edge of the cathedral. Greed then turned back into Envy.

"Happy Halloween, bitch!" Envy yelled to Sloth.

Elsewhere...

"Wrath, hold still!" Dante screamed at the hyperactive Wrath.

"NO, YOU UGLY WITCH!" Wrath screamed back.

Dante was trying to bathe Wrath, but obviously he didn't want to cooperate. Dante, eventually, got fed up with him and cracked him in the head with a baseball bat.  
(Where does she get all those things)

She finished up, placed Wrath in bed, and prepared for the party in Central.

Lust, Envy, Sloth, Greed, and Dante made their way to the foyer. They planned on going to get a drink for a while.

"Are we going to walk?" Greed asked.

"Don't worry, we'll take my Mustang." Envy then pulled on a leash and out popped Roy Mustang.

"YAY! PIGGY-BACK RIDE!" They shouted in unison.

They all climb onto Envy's Mustang and headed off into Central.  
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THE END

Sorry if this one doesn't seem as random as the other ones.  
You all are sucking the random out of me. But thank you for the reviews. They're really worth while.

KILL GEORGE BUSH AND SAVOR THE MOMENT! 


	5. Chapter 5

Title: X-Mas with the Sins

Author: ZRBxSTITCHES

Summary: The homunculi are free to roam the streets of Central. Where will they go? If you want to know, you can always pay me...

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA...If I did I would be bathing naked in a tub full of money.

ANOTHER NOTE: This chapter will be a bit of a sequel to the last chapter. So if you haven't read it yet,  
GO READ IT NOW!  
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Lust, Greed, Envy, Sloth, and Dante had a plan to go above ground to Central, and find cool shit to do. They appeared, rolling in on Envy's "Mustang". Each one of them had at least one thing they looked forward to.

Envy had parallel parked his "Mustang" and walked into the bar to grab a drink and possibly a cactus. Sloth had joined him, for she could not resist the wine.

"Sloth...I think you've had enough." Envy said.

"Who said that!" She replied, obviously intoxicated.

"Right in front of you..." Envy corrected.

"Oh Envy...I mistook you for an angry palm tree." Sloth told him.

At that moment, Xzibit walked in to the bar. "Yo, Envy,  
it's time to Pimp yo ride!" He yelled.

"Aww, hell ya!" Envy shouted back.

They both stepped outside getting ready to pimp out Envy's "Mustang".

Elsewhere...

Lust and Greed walked into random warehouses to hopefully find some dead bodies.

"No such luck with this one, Greed." Lust said.

"One of these buildings have to have something. Let's get the others to help." Greed responded.

Even more elsewhere...

Dante had snuck her way into a studio and on a show.

"So, Miss Dante, what is the most common piece of advice you give?" some actor asked.

"Well... Live from Central, it's Saturday night!" Dante screamed.

... 5 seconds later, she was thrown out of the studio for throwing turkey basters at the homeless.

Eventually, the group got together again, in hopes of finding some bodies within the warehouses.

Lust found one and opened the door. As everyone peered through the door, they gasped.

"NO!" Greed shouted.

"Can't be..." Envy added.

"hahaha...your fing stupid." Sloth also added.

"I'm afraid so guys. It's a...a...star wars convention"  
Dante said with a scared look on her face.

"Oh, what do we do? What do we do?" Lust asked repeatedly.

"Simple. When in Rome..." Dante answered.

A bit later...

They had gotten into costumes. Envy was Luke Skywalker.  
Sloth was Princess Leah. Greed was Solo. Dante was C3PO. And Lust wasn't out yet. Gluttony and Wrath mysteriously showed up. Wrath was R2D2 and Gluttony was Chubacca.

They roamed around looking for someone to kill. Hohenheim walked up dressed up like Darth Vader.

"Hey, Envy... I'm your father." Hohenheim said.

"Yes...we know...And it's not funny." Envy replied.

"Awww! Why do I have to be in this small costume?" Wrath complained.

"..." Greed was silent.

"Lust, what are you supposed to be?" Dante asked.

"I'm Spok!" Lust said smiling.

"It's Star Wars, dear. But nice widows peak..." Dante complimented.

So the day ended with the homunculi enjoying themselves at a Star Wars convention. Moments later, they would find themselves being chased by ducks.

The next day...

Mustang walked into his office, carrying a cane and wearing a hat with a feather in it.

"Wow..." The soldiers spoke as Mustang walked in front of them.

"Get down on the floor." Mustang commanded to Riza as he approached her.

"No..." She replied.

He backhanded her. "Bitch! I said get on the floor"  
Mustang shoutedto her.

Riza shot him and that was the end of it.  
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THE END

Next time, on "X-Mas with the Sins". We view some behind the scenes material on how the homunculi during their real life.

Yeah, kinda like a E! True Hollywood Story kinda thing.  
Already planning.

DON'T DELAY, CALL 1-800-HOMOCIDE TODAY! 


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